Stay with Me by Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀ – Book Review

Last updated on August 21, 2018

Summary of Stay With Me

Stay With Me by Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀ is a book about love, marriage and family and how they are shaped and altered by our experiences and cultural and family norms.

Akin and Yejide met in a cinema while they were both on dates with other people. It was love at first sight. Even though Akin was on a date with another woman, he soon broke up with her to pursue Yejide and they were soon dating. Yejide is an orphan whose mother died giving birth to her. Her father’s other wives ostracized her and made sure that she grew up isolated and alone.

When Akin and Yejide got married, they were both happy and started building a life together. Their happiness was marred by one big problem. After years of marriage, there were still no children. That difficulty dictated the path of their life together.

Children Complete Life

The couple were disappointed by their inability to have children and looked for help. They consulted both shamen and medical professionals. Doctors did extensive tests on Yejide and didn’t find anything wrong with her. Doctors found nothing wrong with either partner, although testing seems only to have been done on Yejide. Everyone in their environment blamed the wife.

The Second Wife Solution

After years of pressure from his mother to take a second wife who would bear his children, Akin gave in to his mother and took a second wife. One of the agreements of his marriage to Yejinde was that they would have a monogamous relationship and Yejide felt betrayed by the change. She did not want to share her husband and it made it clear to him and the second wife.

Betrayals and Illness

The experience of not being able to get pregnant and the pressure of competing with a second wife was so traumatic for Yejide that she developed pseudocyesis. Through a series of intrigues and betrayals, the couple eventually had 3 children but sickle cell anemia causes each of then to be sickly.

As the story progresses, we learn about the lengths that the couple will go to in order to have children. We also discover the lies that they tell themselves and each other.

Cultural Explorations

This book brings up many cultural beliefs and superstitions from Nigeria. At different times, we see both Akin and Yejide struggle with those beliefs and practices that alienate them and add to their suffering. These include Yejide not knowing where her children are buried when they die. The community believes that the children were cursed and should be forgotten.

Recommendation

This book is a well written, interesting story that explores family, the nature of relationships, the limits of love and family relationships, the nature of motivation, societal pressure and types of betrayal in relationships, amongst other themes. Both of the main characters have my sympathy as they make the difficult choices necessary to live full lives.

 

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